Day 281 - 286... New path

The previous 5 days have been filled with nothing but junk food and laziness. Well mostly laziness we did spend 4 hours walking around the fair with Ava and the rest of the family on Saturday. I held off on working out this week to kind of step back to see if I really wanted to continue on this journey. I've decided that I do.  I just need to figure out the path I want to take for the rest of my journey.

Today was a good day food wise which is the first step of the path I'm going to take. I'm doing a modified cleanse. During the day I will eat fruits and veggies for dinner I will have brown rice with veggies. I will be doing that today thru Thursday afternoon... the only deviations will be tomorrow night at my in-laws and Wednesday at lunch.

I'm not sure if this week I will workout or not it is a bad week with my dad being out of town so I have no one to watch Ava. I'm thinking this week I will just focus on the food part of this path.

We will be spending Thursday evening til Monday evening in Cascade this week so I know that I will be faced with challenges at the cabin I will just have to try to stay out of the unhealthy food as much as possible and make healthy choices when I can.

Let the lbs melt once again!!!

Day 280... 85 days left and I've pretty much given up.

I've missed 3 workouts in a row... the one yesterday and the 2 from today. I've eaten nothing but junk food and I feel completely defeated. This is really starting to suck and I don't know what to do anymore. I really need to find my motivation again and push through to the end and not just to the end of the 85 days but all the way to 135 lbs.

No lbs melting anymore!!!

Day 279... 168.2 lbs :(

I just want go give up! I ate terribly today, didn't go to the gym, Ava pushed me to my limit, got some bad news and watched Ava fall off the tall balance beam at gymnastics. I had an all around shitty day and I'm ready to just give up on this journey. I'm up to 168.2 lbs and feel like I'm never going to get anywhere anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all focus and determination.

I'm not sure if I can let the lbs melt anymore!!!

Day 275 - 278... With Cascade comes candy!

So this weekend Ben and I decided we needed to get out of town for a bit so we loaded up Ava in the car and headed to the cabin! Before we headed to the cabin we went grocery shopping... this is always an unhealthy trip to the store. We loaded up on chips, chocolate covered almonds, whoppers, Twizzlers, double stuffed Oreos, gummy bears, Mike's Black Cherry Hard Lemonade, hot dogs and stuff for sausage sandwiches. We also picked stuff up for dinner that Thursday night... it consisted of clam strips, tarter sauce and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. :( Needless to say the last 4 days have been filled with eating nothing but crap! The only healthy things that I've had to eat is the tomato on my hamburger, a handful of grapes, water and that's about it. Tomorrow it is back to eating healthy.

One thing that I did keep up with was working out! Thursday I got up and did lower body finished in 40 minutes again sticking with 12 reps at the same weight. That was followed by 65 minutes on the treadmill I was able to push myself to 4.35 miles. Friday was a rest day so no workout. Saturday we were up at the cabin but that didn't stop me from getting my workout in. We just set up a gym at the cabin! :)

I got in my upper body workout in 30 minutes (I didn't do a warm up so it went faster) I stuck with 12 reps at the same weight. The only difference was that I did bent over rows with the band instead of the barbell since we couldn't bring it with us. Later that afternoon Ben, Ava and I went for an hour long walk... pretty slow walk but there were hills to be climbed so that added a little bit to it. Today we came home and the whole trip home I was debating about going to the gym or not if there was time once we got home. I just kept telling myself it wouldn't make a difference if I did or not. However, once I got home I decided to hit the gym anyways. I ended up taking it a bit slow today but I was still able to get in over 4 miles. Overall I feel like this weekend went good for exercise even though I pushed the limits on what I ate.

I am dreading getting on the scale tomorrow because I feel like I'm going to be over 170. :(

The worse part is that this weekend is Ava's birthday. We are taking her to the fair on Saturday and her birthday party is Sunday... unhealthy food is in sight. Then the next weekend we will be hopefully spending 4 days 5 nights at the cabin... more unhealthy food. I'm going to try to not overdo it like I did this weekend but it is so hard. I know I need to start pushing myself harder if I ever want to pass 160 and not in the direction that I've been going.

I need to rededicate myself to this and fast!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 274... Will I ever break 160?!?

Today has been a challenging day. First Ben suggested Carl's Jr. for our family lunch then I only had a short amount of time to workout. I think that I handled things ok but definitely not as good as I could have.

At Carl's Jr. I tried to eat healthy with a grilled chicken salad no dressing and a large water. I was doing good until I indulged in 1 fry... I couldn't stop after that. :( Other then that I've done good except for the few pieces of hot dog that I stole from Ava because she wouldn't eat them! I'm low on my water intake for the day sitting at about 2.5 liters a far cry from the 8 liters that I had yesterday. One thing I've noticed that I find myself after I write on here making bad choices... it's almost like I must quickly write here so that I can go make bad choices and not have to report it to everyone. I'm trying real hard to stop that behavior but it is really hard.

I dropped Ava off with Papa so that I could go to the gym today. However, first I had to go shopping for Ava's birthday present. Once that was done I was only left with enough time to do 45 minutes on the treadmill. Could I have done more? Yes. I however didn't want burden Papa with leaving Ava with him for longer then 2.5 hours. I had told him that it would only be 1.5 if I had him watch her on days I need to go to the gym. Tomorrow I should be able to get the 65 minutes in. Lower body and cardio is on the menu for tomorrow.

I've decided that I really need to stop posting how much I've lost and how much I have to go because whenever I do I end up gaining! I'm getting so frustrated with this yo-yoing that is happening. I just want to break 160 already so I can move onto my next goal! I'm starting to think that it isn't going to happen. The frustration is starting to feel like defeat and it's taking it's toll on my motivation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrated.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 273... 40 minutes instead of an hour!

So I begrudgingly got up this morning and did my upper body workout. Pretty good workout still only doing 12 reps with the same weight I started with but all in all it still has me sweating. After the workout and I looked at the clock all I could think was I must not have been that tired since I shaved off 20 minutes from my normal time. :) That made me feel pretty good. This afternoon I hit the gym for cardio and was all set to beat my time but that just didn't happen. To start out my foot felt like it was being crushed... I think I tied my shoe too tight. Then when I got up to 4.3 speed my shins felt like they were going to explode... I ended up  having to take it back down to 3.8 in order for the pain to stop. I eventually was able to get back up to 4.2 but still it was too late to make up the miles. I ended at 4.28 miles. Tomorrow is cardio.

Did ok eating healthy today. I had my normal half of a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter before my workout this morning. Then I had a hard boiled egg, a handful of almonds and some cheddar cheese for lunch. For dinner we had chicken apple sausages with green beans and potatoes. I went heavy on the veggies and stuck with just 2 sausages... should of probably only had 1 though. Other then that I've had some pickles. I've also upped my water immensely I'm up to 7 liters of water for the day and just started my 8th liter.

I went and picked up a pair of size 6 jeans today and I'm not sure if I'm ready to wear them or not. I kind of feel like a stuffed sausage in them. :(

Ben and I have decided that we want to get out of town this weekend so we are going to head up to the cabin on Friday. Since Saturday is upper body again we are going to take up the dumbbells and band so that I can do my workout up there. I might not be at home but that doesn't mean I have to put off my workout!

Let the lbs melt!!!  

Day 272... Double win today and some inspiration!

I feel like I had a great day today. I'm really proud that I was able to turn the last 2 days around and not let them get to me even if I did gain. :) I was able to regain focus and push forward.

After taking Ava to gymnastics tonight I hit the gym. I was a sweaty mess afterwards and it felt good. I did 4.32 miles again. I hope to up that to 4.35 soon maybe even tomorrow. Tomorrow is upper body and cardio. I have to mention a mistake that I made in one of my entries. On day 268 and 269 I wrote that I was at 2.27 and 2.32 miles it should have been 4.27 and 4.32 miles. I have since made the correction to that entry.

I've done good about eating healthy today. I've had a piece of string cheese, 2 pickles, 2 hard boiled eggs, 3 turkey and cheese roll ups, a small spoonful of peanut butter, some asparagus and broccoli, an apple, a handful of almonds and some cheddar cheese. I've also had 4 liters of water. I just hope that I can keep this up tomorrow but that will all depend of what my mother-in-law makes for dinner.

One cool thing that I forgot to post yesterday is that I think it is time to move onto size 6 jeans. I can pull my size 8 ones off without unbuttoning them. :) I don't know how this is possible since I haven't lost any weight since I got the 8s but maybe I'm changing fat into muscle so my body shape is changing. Who knows.

I've gotten some kind and inspiring words from my inspiration Tiffany Forni in the last few days that I wanted to share with all of you. I first heard of Tiffany through Bodybuilding.com when she was one of their transformation stories. She was the same weight and height as me and she lost the same amount of weight that I was trying to lose... plus she had a really funny personality. Anyways I sat back and admired her and her transformation. I then found out that she would be at the Bodybuilding.com Boise Fitness Expo. My husband and brother-in-law both work for Bodybuilding.com and had VIP access to the event so I decided to tag along in hopes of maybe just getting to get my picture taken with Tiffany. I know this is kind of starting to sound a bit stalkerish and maybe it was but I was just looking for inspiration and motivation to get started on my journey. It turns out that Tiffany was hanging out with the IT group which so happens to be the dept Ben and James work in. I was really nervous to meet her... more nervous then I thought I would be. Well when I finally got up the courage to talk to her I was surprised with how nice and welcoming she was. The night continued on with drinking and an epic spoon quest around Boise... we finally found one at the Pie Hole... you would think bars would have one but no such luck. After meeting her and spending time with her I decided that transforming myself was something that I really wanted to do but where to start. I was stumped yeah there were articles on the website but what was right for me... things just kind of stopped. Then I found out that Tiffany was going to be doing personal training so I talked to Ben about being able to do that and we agreed that I could. I started being trained by Tiffany and was doing pretty good losing 35 lbs. Then I started gaining it back because I just wasn't motivated anymore... this is too hard and it will never happen kept crossing my mind. I then got pregnant and all training stopped. When I was finally ready to being this journey again I once again looked at Tiffany as inspiration. I however decided to go at the journey solo this time and take things at my own pace. I recently posted the picture that I took of me at my heaviest and me now to her Facebook page with the message "Thanks for inspiring me to keep pushing forward! 30 more lbs to go!" Her response means a lot to me and definitely keeps me going. "OMG CHRISTY YOU LOOK AMAZING!~!~!!!!!! I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! I remember when we first started talking, you are awesome! I'm jumping around my little Bat Cave doing a happy dance in your honor! Keep going woman! You're amazing!!! :D" I also posted something on Twitter telling people that they should follow her and 2 other people. "#FF For fitness and nutrition tips, inspiration and evena  laugh or 2. @JohnHardesty @J_O_Connell and @tiffanyforni" She once again responded with some very kind words "@cculmen @johnharesty @j_o_connell Christy you rock!!! Keep it up!!!! You'll have an Oxygen cover" I'm not so sure if that will ever happen but you never know... maybe that is one more thing I should shoot for! :) Thank you Tiffany for being such and inspiration and for all the kind words!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 270 and 271... Complete junk!

The last 2 days have been filled with celebrations and with that came unhealthy choices but I don't regret any of them! Yesterday Ben and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary and we did it on a budget.

:) It was so good and so much fun! Today we celebrated my 2nd cousin's 11th birthday! I can't believe that she is 11 already it seems like only yesterday she was asking for Winnie the Pooh and Littlest Pet Shop toys. Now it's iTunes gift cards and the Twilight movies! Once again unhealthy choices were made mainly in the choice to eat way too many Cheetos... Ava and I couldn't stay out of them. Speaking of Ava this is how Nana and Papa dressed her this morning!

Didn't stop her one bit from playing in the water. :) Tomorrow I plan on going back to eating healthy in hopes of undoing the damage that I did the last 2 days.

The only good thing that has happened health wise in the last 2 days is that I did my lower body strength training on Saturday morning. I did it, however I didn't push myself nearly as hard as I normally do. It was slow and I went back down to only 12 reps instead of 20. I skipped my cardio workout the last 2 days and I'm only partially regretting it. Tomorrow I plan on hitting the gym again.

Here's hoping that I can undo the damage that I've done!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 268 and 269... 4.27 miles and 4.32 miles! :)

I didn't feel like confessing to what I ate yesterday so I didn't post. The only positive thing that came from what I ate yesterday was that it kept my metabolism going, pushing it a little harder and made me actually lose weight... or so Ben says. Yeah I'll go with that. I've done better about eating healthy today the only slight  slip up was the whole wheat bagel with cream cheese I had today. Other then that I've been doing good. I'm at 2 liters of water... time to up that.

Working out has been good the last 2 days. Yesterday I did upper body in the morning. I didn't increase the weight or the reps with this workout. I'm not to the point where I feel like I can do that without injuring myself. I then hit the gym to do 65 minutes on the treadmill. I pushed myself and got 4.27 miles reaching the point I was at before things went downhill. Today was supposed to be my rest day but I couldn't do it. Luckily the power went out at Ben's work and he was able to come home before Akidio to watch Ava so that I could go to the gym. I pushed myself even harder today and was able to reach 4.32 miles! :) I was so happy with that but I know I can do better. Tomorrow is lower body and cardio.

I'm currently sitting at 161.6 lbs. Not my lowest but still one step closer to breaking 160! :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 267... 4.23 miles again!

Well I didn't get up this morning like I had planned to go to the gym. I just couldn't make myself get up. I did however make it to the gym today. I dropped Ava off with Papa and hit it hard. I was able to get back up to 4.23 miles! I was so happy. :) It felt so good to be back over 4 miles. Tomorrow is upper body and cardio. Oh I'm a little sore today which is always good. :)

Lunch today consisted of Pollo Rey. I had a grilled chicken salad no dressing. For dinner I had my normal apple, almonds, egg and cheese. I did help Ava finish her string cheese... she will never eat a whole one. I also had a spoonful of peanut butter. Oh and 3 pickles. I'm sitting at 2.5 liters for the day definitely need to up that again.

I've decided the day that I finally break 160 I'm going to celebrate. How you ask... not a clue but I will!

I forgot to mention yesterday that I took some terrible progress pictures for my bodyspace profile. They are pretty terrible but it needed to be done since the last ones were at 199 lbs. If you dare you can see them at http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/culmen/more.php?section=progresspics the new ones are down at the bottom. Next time I will fix my hair and put on some makeup!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 266... Overdid it today.

I may of overdid it today food wise. This morning I had half of a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter. This afternoon my father-in-law and I went to Smoky Mountain where I had water and Sesame Chicken Salad... it was delicious but did have crisp wonton skins in it which probably wasn't very healthy. Dinner is where I really overdid it. I had one piece of baked chicken... skin and all, one chicken strip, 3 pickles, 4 T of potato salad and a piece of watermelon. For dessert I had 2 1/2 servings of rocky road ice cream... should of stopped at one.  I have upped my water intake though which is good. I've had 4.5 liters.

Today was lower body and cardio. I pushed myself this morning adding weight to butt lifts and more weight to deadlifts. I even upped my reps to 20 instead of 12. I was doing really good until I finished the 2nd set of deadlifts at that point I had to sit down for I felt like I was going to throw up. I ended up taking 5 minutes of rest and trying without any luck to start the 3rd set. The second time that I got up to finish my 3rd set Ben told me to just try to get 8 in. I wasn't having that... I was going to do 20 and I did! It felt so good to push myself. This afternoon I went to the gym for cardio. I was able to do better then yesterday hitting 3.97 miles but I still was taking it slow. I need to get back up to 4.23 like before. My goal is to get up tomorrow morning before Ben leaves for work and hit the gym. We will see if this happens.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 265... The Griddle

Today Ava and I went to lunch with Ben. He has been raving about The Griddle for what seems like forever so I finally decided that I should check this place out. I told Ben that I wanted to go and that I would find something healthy to eat there... he laughed. I took that as a challenge! I was a little nervous when I first looked at the menu because everything seemed so unhealthy and also so delicious! However, I stuck to my guns and found healthy options. I had a bowl of plain oatmeal (I forgot how bland that is), a cup of fruit (awesome mixture too... grapes, bananas, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries and watermelon), one large egg over medium (it was more like over easy but oh well) and water. I WIN! I did however sneak one bite of Ben's biscuits and gravy and a bite of his hash browns. I must say that I will definitely be going back. Other then that I've had an apple, some cheddar cheese, a hard boiled egg and a handful of almonds today. I've also had 3.5 liters of water. Oh and I guess I did have a spoonful of peanut butter at 3 this morning.

What a pathetic day at the gym today. I was only able to do 3.7 miles in 65 minutes on the treadmill... I'm usually sitting over 4 miles. I have no clue what was wrong with me. First my side was hurting like I pulled something, then my shoulder started hurting like it sometimes does and then my back started tensing up and now it is killing me. :( Needless to say I'm not too happy right now. Tomorrow is lower body and cardio. I just hope that it goes better then today did.

In other news my daughter is a little flirt! After lunch we went back to Ben's office to see her Uncle James for a bit well as we were leaving Ava decided that she wanted to go into the VP of Digital Publishing's office... she just stood there and started waving at him looking all coy. I remember when she wouldn't even wave at family members and now she is waving at strangers! On top of being a flirt she also proved today that she has her Uncle James wrapped around her little finger. As soon as she arrived James looked up Elmo on his computer and proceeded to play Elmo songs while holding her. They watched Elmo's Ducks 3 times... that is more then I would be able to handle... maybe it was because she had the headphones and didn't have to listen to the song but still. It was really cute to watch though. :)

Now if my back and shoulder would stop hurting today would be so much better. It better stop before tomorrow because I plan on upping the reps to 20 tomorrow. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 264...

Not much to report today... went to the gym and ate healthy. Oh and am back down again. I'm still a pound over the last progress picture but at least it's not 2.6 lbs.

At the gym today I did 65 minutes on the treadmill. I was able to go .03 miles further then the last time. I know it's not much but it's something and I'm taking every little bit as a win. Tomorrow is cardio again.

Did pretty good eating healthy today. Water intake still down I'm at 3.5 liters. Tomorrow will be a little harder to eat healthy. Ava and I are going to lunch with Ben at The Griddle... healthy isn't on their menu. I'll just have to limit my calorie intake the rest of the day and push myself at the gym that evening.

I'm in desperate need of new workout pants and a new sports bra. Ben had said that we could use some of his store credit to bodybuilding.com and get me new workout pants. I was all excited because I have been waiting a long time to be able to feel comfortable enough in my skin to wear something that they offer. Well the one item that I want (yoga pants) is only available in XL... I need a medium. :/ Oh well I guess I will just have to wait until I feel comfortable enough to wear one of their women's shirts.

Another new motivation: I want to be on this list someday! http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/we-mirin-10-bodyspace-15-awe-inspiring-physiques.html :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 263... How to survive the movies!

Today Ben and I went and saw Dark Knight Rises again... so much cooler in Imax! I knew that I would have a hard time avoiding the concession stand so I packed my purse with edamame, 1.5 liters of water and gum. I was able to avoid the sweets and popcorn. It also helped that I was watching a really good movie. :)

This morning I made the mistake of sleeping in. Once I got up I hit the garage and did my upper body workout. I pushed myself but I don't think that I pushed myself hard enough. I could have done 20 reps of each exercise but I kept it to 12 because shoulder presses really push me to my limit... I'm a weakling and I know it. After upper body I went to the gym for cardio. I had to cut my cardio down to 45 minutes so that I could be home in time to shower, take Ava to Nana and Papa's and be home in time to pick Ben up for the movie. It was kind of nice to only go 45 minutes but tomorrow I'm back to 65 minutes and I'm looking forward to it. I updated my playlist on my iPod getting rid of all Black Eye Peas songs and added 10 new songs. I'm hoping that will help my workout pass quicker.

Besides the edamame I've had an apple, some cheddar cheese, almonds and pickles. I've also had a spoonful of peanut butter. I'm now waiting on Ben to make the asparagus which I will have 3 turkey cheese rollups since we are out of chicken. Water intake is still low today only had 2.5 liters. I don't know why it is so hard to get in more water lately before I was sitting at 6 liters of water a day.

I was so angry this morning... pissed off is the better term! Not only was I not one bit sore I've also gained 2.6 lbs in 9 days. Why is this happening? I should be losing weight. I was starting to get frustrated but now I have taken that frustration and turned it into motivation. I'm using it as a motivator to not overeat, to do my workouts and push myself. I hope this new motivation will stick with me and I will be able to complete my goal!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 262... Rest day

Today was rest day and I actually did just that! It kind of felt weird and I had to resist the urge several times to leave Ava with Nana and Papa and hit the gym for some cardio but I did and I'm kind of glad that I did. Tomorrow is upper body and cardio. There will be no sleeping in tomorrow have to get up early and get my workout in plus Ben has to do his then we are going to go see Dark Knight Rises again. :)  Should be a good day. 

So I'm not at all sore today which sucks! I thought that I pushed myself hard enough to be sore but I guess I was wrong. I will have to push even harder next time. I must say that I'm a little disappointed in myself too. 

Today I have done pretty good on eating healthy and not over doing it. :) My water intake is down though...way down. I'm only at 2 liters. :( Tomorrow I must stick to eating the same but up the water... this will mean avoiding the popcorn at the movies... but I should do that anyways.

Tomorrow I will push myself harder and be one step closer to reaching my goal!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 261... I must confess...

I had a few cookies tonight... ok a lot of cookies tonight and some lemon cake with whipped topping. :( I couldn't help myself they were there tempting me and I just couldn't stop... my willpower sucks. I also couldn't stay out of the bread and goat cheese. Other then that I was doing good today. I've had 4.5 liters of water and skipped the bun on my hamburger... big whoop! I feel like I'm doing nothing right when it comes to nutrition. How am I ever going to get this weight off if I keep making bad choices? I really need to stop this. I need to find my motivation again.

This morning was lower body strength training. I pushed myself hard but not hard enough... I could still do better. I have only been doing 12 reps next time I'm upping it to 20 reps and cutting the rest time down to 30 seconds. The good thing about this morning was that my legs were burning half way through. I am pretty sure that I will be sore tomorrow but I can't say I'm 100% sure that I will be. I also hit the gym and did 65 minutes on the treadmill. I was able to go .04 miles further then before. I didn't feel like trying to jog today the urge just didn't hit me. I was just content with having my iPod working again today... it died 39 minutes into my workout yesterday which left me with my thoughts... that was scary. :)

Tomorrow is rest day and unless I feel like taking Ava for a walk to the park I think that this will in fact be one... even if I don't like it.

So tonight my sister-in-law Helene said that she thinks I'm lying on here because I look like I've already met my goal. :) My brother-in-law John said that I looked fantastic. :) I must say that I'm starting to like getting compliments makes me feel like I can really do this... I never thought that I would say that. Ben says that I'm at a good weight for my height and now I should be focusing on building strength. I still want to hit my goal of 135 while working on strengthening and toning my body I feel like then I will be at a good place.

Time to regain focus and get this done... 104 days left.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 260... I've seemed to have forgotten the meaning of rest day!

I woke up at 6 this morning when Ben's alarm went off and I had this urge to go to the gym... however at the same time I had the urge to crawl back into bed... that urge won! All day it was nagging at me that I should have gone (especially when I stepped on the scale and saw that I was above 165) so this evening I called my dad to see if he would be willing to watch Ava so I could go to the gym... no answer. :( I had finally started living with the idea that I wasn't going to get my gym urge filled today when my dad called me back and said that he would be willing to watch her for me! :) I was so excited I got dressed right away and headed to Eagle. Now the gym is 2 minutes if that away from my house... my parents live 15 minutes away so I drove 15 minutes to drop Ava off then 13 minutes back to the gym... worked out for 65 minutes then drove back to my parents house and back home. Now this might not seem like a big deal but I just kept asking myself when did I become so addicted to working out that I would do that and on a day that I had already said was my rest day? Before I would have just said forget about I'm not going to do that too much work! At the gym today I tried to push myself harder so I gave jogging a try... I was able to do 3 minutes starting at 0.0 incline going up to a 3.5 incline. I know 3 minutes is a lot but I have to start somewhere right? I think that I could have done more if I wasn't so top heavy... :( Tomorrow is lower body and more cardio. Oh and my lats are killing me today... it hurts to raise my arms and twist... another wish for soreness fulfilled! :) However, I do think that if I had pushed myself harder I would have been sorer... next time!

Family lunch was at Mongolian BBQ today... I went light on the noodles and beef and heavy on the veggies. Other then that I've been doing pretty good about healthy choices I just once again am eating too much. :( For dinner I had chicken, broccoli and brown rice... I had forgotten how good that is. Now I'm sitting here with Ava munching on edamame... I'm going to have to buy more I'm almost out. So I just chugged the last of my 1.5 liters of water just so I could honestly say that I'm at 4 liters for the day... that's kind of sad.

Tomorrow I'm going to push myself harder and try to up the weight and jog for longer!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 259... Let's not talk about what I ate today... ok?

I kind of overdid it on the angel food cake and the shrimp pasta salad tonight at dinner.  Other then that I've been eating healthy just a little too much. :( I'm sitting at 6 liters of water so far today and will probably get in another .5 liters before midnight.

Today was a good day exercise wise. I got up early this morning and did some strength training... working upper body. This doesn't sound very impressive but I'm impressed with myself since I had only 3 hours of sleep and cramps from hell! You try throwing a 15 lb oddly shaped medicine ball up the air and catching it before it hits you in the face on 3 hours of sleep... it sure woke me up fast especially when I dropped it on my chest! I know that 15 lbs doesn't sound like a lot of weight but when you are first starting out it feels like a lot. The first set I was only comfortable doing 8 reps but after that I knew I needed push myself harder so I did 12 reps the next 2 sets. I had a hard time getting in all of my shoulder presses but I busted them out and finished all 12 reps of 3 sets. I'm hoping that I pushed myself hard enough that I'm sore but I'm a little worried that I didn't... once again we will have to see. This afternoon I hit the gym to do my normal 65 minutes on the treadmill. I was able to do 4.16 miles... that is .10 miles than yesterday so I'm taking it as progress. I just need to keep pushing myself forward. Tomorrow is my rest day because I have Ava all day and Ben is hosting Trivia after work so no time for me to hit the gym. Thursday is legs and cardio. 

I sooo hope that I'm sore tomorrow! :)

Let the lbs melt!!! 

Day 258... Must learn not to let things get to me!

So tonight I once again went to the gym pissed off 2nd time in 2 weeks. I really need to learn to not let little things get to me and just stay focused on the positive. This is going to be a hard lesson to learn.

I wasn't able to push myself as hard as I would have liked today... I think my anger was working against me. I did however complete the 65 minutes on the treadmill and still went over 4 miles. Tomorrow is strength training and cardio.

I haven't done nearly as well on my water intake today only sitting at about 2.5 liters... could have done better! I've eaten pretty healthy today... 1.5 pieces of string cheese, 3 spoonfuls of peanut butter, 3 turkey and swiss roll ups and 3 pickles. I know it isn't a lot but that is what I was hungry for and at least it wasn't sweets!

Will have to wait until tomorrow to see how things go! I hope better then today.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 257... sdjnzxbzx... Ava titled today's entry!

Ava seems to want to help with today's entry! She would probably get more written then I seem to be able to tonight! Focus... focus... crap it's not working!

Today started out really good... got up and hit the gym. I did another 65 minutes on the treadmill trying to push myself harder this time. I'm still not confident enough to jog but just you wait someday I will be running! The plan for my workouts are... Sunday: Cardio, Monday: Cardio, Tuesday: Strength training and Cardio, Wednesday: Rest day, Thursday: Strength Training and Cardio, Friday: Rest day unless I take Ava for a walk, Saturday: Strength Training and Cardio. We will see how this new plan goes I can hope that it works well and I reach my goal on time! :)

After the gym and a quick shower we loaded up the car and headed to my nephew Daryk's 5th birthday party. We stopped at the store and picked up a fruit tray and some drinks to take. I went for water of course now I have 3 1 liter bottles and 1 1.5 liter bottle in the fridge that I refill. I'm sitting at 4 liters of water today but am almost done with my 5th. At the party I tried really hard not to over do it... but ended up going a little overboard once again. I had fruit, a lot of black olives, 1 1/2 hot dogs (Ava wouldn't eat hers), corn chips, some white jello concoction... no clue what it was... could of done without it. Then it was time for cake... my mom makes the best cakes really hard to resist... it was a layer of Texas sheet cake covered with dirt cake. They weren't handing out little pieces so I tried to share with Ava (she only had one bite) and with Ben (he also only had one bite)... not much help from them. There was also ice cream... I finished the ice cream but threw away some of the cake... see I really was trying to be good! When we got home I was able to bypass the evil Ritz crackers and stick with healthy options... I had about 2 pieces of chicken (Ava stole part of piece right off my plate along with some of my broccoli) and about a 1/2 cup of broccoli. Besides that I've had 3 spoonfuls of peanut butter... I know not the healthiest option but it was a better option then the 3 spoonfuls of whipped topping that I was craving! I also had quite a bit of edamame... delicious! To curb my appetite I tried gum and water... today it seemed to help. Now I'm just waiting on the asparagus to be done. :)

Mmmmmmmm asparagus and water!!!

Since this entry has drained a perfectly charged laptop battery I'm thinking it is time to be done and watch Deep Space Nine! :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 256... I was doing so good too!

This morning I woke up and I was sore... I was so happy to be sore. I miss that feeling and was afraid I hadn't worked myself hard enough yesterday to make it happen. So needless to say I welcomed the soreness even if I can't walk normal! I was looking forward to going to the gym for cardio but at the same time I wasn't looking forward to doing 65 minutes. The whole workout I kept hearing my brother's voice in the back of my head saying "quit being a pussy and get it done!"... needless to say I did the whole 65 minutes. Thanks to my brother working out will never be the same I will always hear him pushing me harder and believe me that isn't a bad thing! I haven't decided yet if I will be doing the 2nd part of the strength training tomorrow or if I will go back to the gym for another 65 minutes of cardio... I guess I will see tomorrow.


 I was doing good on eating healthy today then we went to Cascade for a family reunion dinner... things went downhill fast after that. I started out ok with a piece of grilled chicken, pasta salad and baked beans. Then I went back for seconds this time having half of a burger patty, more pasta salad and more baked beans... still not bad just a lot of food. After dinner things got bad... I got into the Red Vines and marshmellows. I had about 20 Red Vines then 2 large marshmellows. Oops and I've been doing so good about staying away from the sweets. When we got home I got into the Ritz crackers having 6 and a very large spoonful of peanut butter. I'm done eating for the night and will stick with water and gum for the rest of the night. Speaking of water I'm at 4 liters of water so far today... on my way to reaching 5. 


Tomorrow I will workout then we have my nephew's 5th birthday party... which means cake... I plan on sticking to a small piece. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 255... Keeping promises even if it is hard

Ben has been on this kick that I need to start doing strength training again in order to get the weight off. I gave in last night and said that I would get up early with him today and let him show me a workout... not believing that he would actually get up and I would once again get to sleep in. Well needless to say 7:00 rolled around this morning and he got up and actually expected me to follow him... my initial response was you are seriously getting up? What you need to understand is that I don't normally get up until Ava gets up which is around 10 or 11 since we don't go to bed until after midnight so I've gotten out of the habit of getting up early... I know it's terrible! Anyways, I got up finally and got dressed, went to the kitchen and found half of a whole wheat bagel and 2 pieces of string cheese waiting for me... oh and Ben was there too. I immediately became a smart ass... I know me... never! I started saying that he was trying to kill me and that he was evil among other things. I asked him what we were going to be doing and he told me that I would be doing the workouts that his co-worker who is a power lifter made for him... I felt like I was going to be killed... I just knew I was! He said we would take it slow since it was my first time with the workout and I haven't lifted in a while. So we started and I continued to be a smart ass... I mean why stop it was too much fun watching Ben's eyes roll! Well none of these exercises were very challenging just new and different and my body didn't know how to react. When we came to deadlifts I must say that I was a little nervous especially when Ben loaded the bar up... ok so he only loaded it up to 40 lbs but for me I thought that was a lot. I can honestly say that deadlifts are my new favorite exercise and that next time I want more weight. I can still say that planks suck but I was still able to go as long as before I quit so that was a nice surprise. Next workout will be part B to this workout series and Ben says it will be even tougher then this one... I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to that especially since one of the exercises is roll outs... I would much rather do planks! One thing is for sure I will for sure push myself harder. Today was leg day and I don't feel anything which sucks... I want to be sore! Ben did say that the soreness probably won't hit for a few days but I don't think I will be sore because of how easy I took it. Next time I want my butt kicked! I want to be sweating and short of breath. :)

The only bad thing about getting up early to workout... well besides getting up early is that I start eating sooner in the day. I am a terrible eater... I will go until 4:00 in the afternoon before I eat and then I can't stop! :( Well I noticed today that since I started at 7:00 AM I was eating all day and not making the best choices. Yes some of my choices were good but the 5 spoonfuls of peanut butter and 20 Ritz crackers... not so healthy. I really need to get over my peanut butter and Ritz cracker addiction or I'm going to end up undoing all that I've worked so hard for. I was able to give up my 6 can a day Diet Coke habit why should this be any different... right? I need to get more healthy options in the house... like hard boiled eggs and salad. Ben makes the best chicken but he makes it for himself and even though he has said that I can have some of it I don't think he meant 3 pieces in one day or that I should eat all of his steamed broccoli.  I try to curb my appetite with water and gum but it doesn't seem to be working very well. I need to get over this issue if I ever want to get the rest of the weight off. :( On a positive note I've drank 4.5 liters of water today I will probably get in other one or two before bed! :)

Tomorrow I'm planning on hitting the gym in the morning and doing my normal 65 minutes on the treadmill. We are then heading up to Cascade for the afternoon for a family reunion dinner we will see how healthy that will be. :) Must make good choices!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 254 Part 2... Never again!

Never ever again will I let myself get like that or that blonde!

Day 218 - 254... I'm back!

So I'm finally picking the blog back up! After over a month it was time I got my butt back to the gym and start this process again. In this month I was able to stay under 165 with only a few days of going over it... that was my goal to see if I could maintain. Yay me for doing just that. I'm currently sitting at 164.6. I even took a new progress picture this evening so that you can see that I'm not lying and haven't put all the weight back on!

I still have 30 lbs left to lose before I reach goal but I'm determined to make that happen! It always amazes me when someone asks where the 30 lbs are going to come from... I just want to ask them can't you see it??? I guess I just hide it well but believe me it is there hiding under the surface and I'm sick of it!

So over this past month a lot has changed including but not limited to plans, meds, eating habits and determination. I have gone off the meds that suppressed my appetite which has made not over eating a challenge... this is something that I'm really going to have to work on. I did however got some great snack ideas from Ben's boss Jeff... one of them being edamame... pretty good stuff even Ava likes it. I've even been taking raw food classes and have some pretty delicious recipes that I can't wait to try once I can get my hands on a food processor... I'm not sure if I eventually want to go completely raw but I would like to get rid of some of the crap that I eat like hot dogs. I've been doing pretty good about laying off the sweets and am still without Diet Coke even if the stupid McDonald's radio commercial has me craving one every 10 minutes! That is one addiction I'm glad I kicked... that stuff is toxic! One of the plans that has changed is that I'm back to thinking that I want to be at goal before Ben and I start trying for a second kiddo... why not be in the best shape of my life before having a baby... it will be much easier to get back into shape if I already have the foundation laid! I'm really determined to make this work just still need to make a few changes!

One thing I need to work on is the fact that I'm having real bad strength training anxiety. Ben says that he will work with me at home to get me more comfortable. He wants to start tomorrow morning with this... I'm so use to sleeping in that this might be a challenge but I'm willing to give it a try!

As of recently I've been able to get my gallon of water in again... most days exceeding it. I've gone to measuring in liters now... 3.7 liters is a gallon and most nights I'm reaching 6 liters! :) Yay water!

Well that is pretty much everything... oh I'm not able to workout everyday because either Ben has something after work or it is too hot to go for a walk to the park but most days I'm able to hit the gym! :)

135 here I come!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 213 - 217... Zoo!

I got my first real exercise today in a long while! I took Ava to the zoo! We spend 2 1/2 hours walking around looking at all the animals and chasing each other around. It was a lot of fun and we will definitely do it again.

 

We also went to lunch with Nana and Papa today. I had french toast and water. Besides that I've done bad... I've had some cranberry grape juice and 5 double stuffed oreo cookies. In the past few weeks I probably just drank a gallon and a half total. :( I've been trying to eat healthy but it hasn't been going very well. I've been undone by ice cream and pizza.

So I signed Ava up for gymnastics and in the class I will be doing it with her... had I not lost the weight that I have I don't think that I would be able to participate in the class with her... I'm thankful that I will be able to do the class with her. Her first class in Monday... we will see how it goes... I just hope she likes it.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 209 - 212... Dang sweets!

I've been undone by Swedish fish and ice cream. Eating those food has led to some bad choices like Taco Bell and Dominos. I had Taco Bell and ice cream last night and was sick to my stomach and had a really bad headache all night. Tonight I had Dominos pizza, bread sticks, salad and more ice cream... so far it hasn't made me sick but we will see if that continues.

I'm really falling back into my old habits and I'm not liking it. I'm gaining again... I'm yoyoing a lot with my weight but as of this morning I'm still under 165 which is a good thing but I'm back to being too close to comfort to 165.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 208 Part 2... Never send Ben to the store!

I sent Ben to the store for toilet paper, juice and something for dinner... he came back with ice cream and swedish fish! :( He then told me "never send me to the store hungry!" I guess I will be doing the shopping from now on!

Day 207 and 208... Raw food class in a few weeks!

I was derailed by Chinese food! :( Oh well it was delicious and now it is gone so no more temptation!

So I'm going to a Raw Food for Rookies class on Friday the 22nd of June and I'm really looking forward to it. If you live in the Boise area and are interested in learning about raw food you should come join me! Watch the video for information on how to attend! It will be a lot of fun and the food sounds delicious! Make sure you mention the video and get $5 off!

Let the lbs melt!

Day 206... :)

Nothing much to report today... except for now I'm well under 165!!! :) Haven't gotten down to my lowest of 161 yet but if I keep this up I will get to it soon!

So far today I've had 2 pieces of string cheese (shared a little with Ava), some chips and guacamole and some beef Ramen noodles. I've only had 1 bottle of water and a glass of orange juice.

No walk for me today. :(

I'm still super excited that I am losing again!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 201 - 205... Back under 165!

So our internet was down and I was too tired to post so that is why I've been absent for a while.

Things have been going ok for me food wise and I'm back to losing weight again. I haven't been very good about drinking enough water... in the last 5 days I haven't drank a gallon total. :(

I've been trying to potty train Ava this week... it is very frustrating and has left me no time to go for walks.

I'm happy to report that I'm once again under 165. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 200... 200 days!!!

So today marks day 200 of my journey and even though I'm not on the same path as I started out on I'm still proud of myself for sticking with this journey for this long. I need to start focusing on the original journey again to get back down to under 165 but still I'm proud.

Today has been filled with mints, frozen yogurt with gummy bears from Uswirl and a piece of pizza. I'm down on my water intake with only having 1 bottle. I haven't reached a gallon in a few days now. :( I think I'm testing my ability to eat whatever I want and still stay under 170... not a good thing to test. When I go grocery shopping on Tuesday I plan on picking up salad.

No walk for me today.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 197, 198 and 199... Weigh-in and Recital Diet

So I weighed myself yesterday and I of course gained... I gained 5.8 lbs. I'm now sitting at...

166.8!!!!

I knew I was going to gain I just hope that I level out and stop gaining. I went over my goal of staying under 165 but not by too much so I'm still under my max of 170. I think I'm going to start doing weigh-ins just on the 1st of each month instead of on the 1st and the 15th... especially since I'm just trying to maintain.

So today is the Dance is Everything Spring Recital and my diet on the day of the recital include donuts and pizza. During the recital I had 3 donuts and after the recital we go to Idaho Pizza Company for pizza... traditional recital diet!

So I haven't gone for another walk since Wednesday... I'm really starting to hate myself! 

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 190 - 196... Issues

So it has been 7 days since I posted last and not much has happened in those 7 days. I spent a relaxing 3 day weekend up in Cascade where I learned that I need to stop comparing myself to people. That is going to be hard thing to learn not to do. I'm having a hard time still... my main thought lately is that I'm not a good mom and that everyone is a better mom then I am. I know that I must be doing something right because Ava lights up every time I pick her up from Papa or Grandpa's house but still... I just wish that I could be half the parent that Ben is to Ava and that my sister-in-law's are to their kids. I'm really hoping that getting my depression under control will help me be a better mom. My new doctor wants me to be stable before we start trying for a second child... I think that it is a smart idea. I'm still hoping to start trying in August but if I'm not ready by then we will just have to wait. I just hope it doesn't take too long to get me stable... I'm really tired of feeling the way that I do.

So these past 7 days I've been eating anything and everything I could get my hands on... and the scale shows it. I guarantee that I've gained for this next weigh-in. As of yesterday morning I was sitting at 166. That is a gain of 5 lbs. I'm hoping to level out because I need to be able to eat. Yes I haven't been making the best choices but still I need to be able to eat. I'm really worried now that I'm eating again I will gain everything back. So far today I've had a roasted chicken salad no dressing from Pollo Rey, 3 handfuls of trail mix, a big bowl of Kix cereal, a personal ham and olive pizza from Chicago Connection and 5 bottles of water. I know not the healthiest of choices but this is what I've been eating lately... yesterday I went to the store for diapers, milk and yogurt and left with all that and donuts. :( Never go shopping hungry! I really need to buy salad, veggies and fruits. The trail mix isn't that bad for me so I guess I could continue to snack on that but the rest needs to go.

For the first time in a long time I went for a walk tonight. Ava, Ben and I went for an hour long walk to the park. It felt good to get some exercise in... the fresh air was nice as well. It's a start. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 189... New goal

So I went to my new doctor today and I really think that he will be able to help me. Right now I need to change my focus... I think my new goal is to stay under 165. Until I can get my depression under control I'm going to focus on maintaining. Until I can get stable I need to focus on getting healthy. I will still post but it won't be very exciting stuff. My weigh-ins will probably be disappointing with me gaining but that is ok if I stay under 165... 170 max. The doctor said that he wants me to be stable before I get pregnant so any positive thinking you could send my way that I get stable quickly would be greatly appreciated.

Today I went to lunch with Ava, Ben and Jo and some of Jo's co-workers. We went to Panda Express... I had fried rice, orange chicken, string bean chicken and a fortune cookie. My fortune was "you will reach your goal as long as you stay on course" pretty good fortune if I do say so myself. I think that I'm on track to reach my new goal of maintaining. Besides Panda I've had a piece of string cheese, some Swedish fish and 3 bottles of water. I'm on track to reach my gallon for the day. Last night I easily reached my gallon mark.

I really hope next week I will be feeling up to going for walks again.

This will be my last post until either Sunday or Monday as I will once again be going up to Cascade for the weekend. Everyone have a safe Memorial Day weekend!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 187 and 188... Swedish Fish

I sent Ben to pick up something for dessert yesterday he came home with a giant bag of Swedish Fish which is now almost gone. I had 4 of 5 handfuls of them yesterday and 2 handfuls today. I can't wait until they are gone no more temptation. Besides Swedish Fish I've had 2 pieces of string cheese and 3 handfuls of peanuts. Oh and 2 bottles of water. I haven't been doing very good on getting my gallon in lately. I really need to focus on getting it in... I need to succeed at something on this journey and that should be easy enough to do.

I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm not being very inspirational and not sticking to anything anymore. I don't even know why I'm still writing in this blog. :( It seems that I have just given up... now I'm focused on maintaining my weight. I don't workout anymore... I eat crap... I'm back where I started. I need to find my motivation again. I'm really hoping when I go to this new doctor on Wednesday he can put me on some meds that help me not be so tired all the time... maybe help me feel like doing something again. We will just have to see.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 184, 185 and 186... We aren't even going to talk about my diet this weekend!

Nope not even going to go there! Just know that I had an amazing weekend with the family up in Cascade and I'm really looking forward to doing it again next weekend! Oh and I probably gained a few lbs back! :)

I'm hoping to go for a walk tomorrow with Ava... we will see if it happens or not!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 183... Kix and Twin Dragon

Today I didn't do to good on eating healthy. I've had 2 giant bowls of Kix cereal, a cookie, 2 handfuls of Reeces Pieces, some Nila Wafers, some cheez-its and only 3 bottles of water. For dinner my father-in-law and I went to Twin Dragon. I had 4 pieces of crab ragoon and 3 servings of special fried rice. I really overdid it today... I'm done eating for the night.

I'm making a promise to myself that next week I will workout... I need to knock this laziness off... I'm going to get nowhere fast if I don't start working out again. Plus I'm paying for a gym membership I probably should be using it.

I won't be posting for a few days as I will be out of town and I'm no longer able to post from my phone. I will post again on Sunday or Monday.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 181 and 182... Weigh-in day

So yesterday was weigh-in day and I must say I wasn't looking forward to it. I was really worried that I had gained. I stepped on the scale and was surprised to see that I hadn't gained or lost anything. I'm still at...

161.0!!!

I am just happy that I'm able to maintain my weight. :)

Yesterday I did ok on eating healthy but today is a different story. We went to Carl's Jr for lunch and I had a cheeseburger with fries... surprisingly I didn't get sick like I thought I would. Besides that I've had 2 pieces of string cheese, 2 pieces of toast and 4 bottles of water. For dinner neither Ben or I felt like cooking so we are doing Little Ceasers Pizza. 

No workout the past 2 days... I just haven't felt like working out lately. I have no motivation to workout anymore. :( 

I'm feeling defeated lately. The only good thing that is happening is that I'm able to maintain my weight. 

Let the lbs melt!!! 

Day 180...

So today was my first official day as a stay at home mom and I must say it was easier then I expected. The only thing that we ran into was the fact that Ava had no clean cool clothes and it was supposed to be hot today so she stayed in her pajamas all day and we stayed inside. I have been doing laundry all day so tomorrow she can go outside!

Because of that little snafu I didn't get a walk in today. I'm hoping to get a workout in tomorrow... we will see.

Today I've done better about eating more. I've had a breakfast bar, 2 pieces of string cheese, some carrots and ranch dressing, some wheat thins, 4 small cookies and 5 bottles of water. For dinner we are having pot pies with cookies for dessert. I know I should do without the cookies but they are so good!

So Ben has a interview tomorrow for a part time job so any positive energy you could send his way would be greatly appreciated. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 179... Happy Mother's Day!

Today has been a fantastic day. I got to sleep in then was woken up to breakfast of eggs and waffles in bed! We then went and saw The Avengers... fantastic movie I highly recommend it. I snacked on sour patch kids and water. After the movie we went to USwirl where once again I had angel food cake frozen yogurt with gummy bears, gummy worms and a few frosted animal crackers. I think I over did the sugar today though because I was feeling really sick after frozen yogurt. Then it was home to watch The Avengers cartoon series and eat more waffles. Happy Mother's Day to me and to all the mothers and moms-to-be out there!

Tomorrow I start my new career... stay at home mom! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm thinking I will take Ava for a walk tomorrow. Ava will still go to Papa's house on Tuesdays and Grandpa's house on Thursdays so I'm hoping to get to the gym on those days.

I weighed myself this morning and once again I'm down... still weigh more then the last weigh-in but I'm down from where I was last week. I'm not sure how this week's weigh-in will go I might have gained but I'm not concerned if I did my main concern is staying under... oh let's say 165... 170 at the max.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 176, 177 and 178... Race for the Cure and Realizations

I needed a little break from posting for a few days and besides there wasn't much to report. Oh except I quit yet another job and I ate a lot of pizza. I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I'm having a really hard time dealing with my depression and quite frankly it sucks! I'm seeking help and hope that my depression will subside some if not completely. It is going to be a lot of work but I need to do it for myself and for my family.

Today we got up extremely early and went and walked the Race for the Cure 5k walk. The race took us a little less then an hour. Total we walked for over an hour and a half. It was nice to get out in the sunshine and get some exercise in.

Food wise today I haven't been doing very good. I've had a breakfast bar, half of a small plate of nachos, a large swirl cone from Dairy Queen and only 3 bottles of water.

I've come to the realization that I've been losing so much weight so fast because I haven't been eating really at all. Occasionally I would have a heavy dish that I would feel guilty about then I wouldn't eat very much the next day. So I've decided that from now on I will eat more and if I don't lose weight then that is ok I need to worry about being healthy and getting in the nutrients that I need. I just need to work on making healthy choices again. This will also be a good way for me to tell if I can maintain my weight or not... as long as I don't go over 170 I will be happy.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 174 and 175... Not very inspiring lately... Sorry!

I'm not doing too good with any aspect of the journey lately. I haven't worked out regularly in a long time... I'm eating a lot of sweets and unhealthy choices. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm at the end of my journey and I just need to work on maintaining where I'm at. I'm getting burned out. I can't give up though I must keep pushing forward. I just wish I wasn't gaining again.

Yesterday the only good thing that I consumed was the 7 bottles of water that I drank and the Luna bar. Other then that I had 2 big bowls of spaghetti, some watermelon (I guess that is healthy) and a big serving of lemon cake with whipped topping. Today I've had an apple and 3 bottles of water... not bad right pretty healthy... well for dinner we are having Tacitos with sour cream and double stuffed Elfudge cookies... see what I mean unhealthy choices.

I didn't have time to go for a walk yesterday and today I was too exhausted to even see straight so no walk for me. I think that until I get use to this new job and getting up early for it I will have a hard time going on walks. The Race for the Cure is this Saturday so that will be a good workout just wish I had a race everyday to get up and do maybe I would be more inclined to walk.

I know I haven't been very inspiring lately and I apologize for that... I haven't felt very inspired lately.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 173... Chapalas and USwirl

So I had my interview this morning... I got the job!!! :) I start tomorrow morning. Now I'm nervous about starting a new job. I just hope this one works out better then the last one! I believe it will... I got a good feeling when I was there.

After my interview I went to lunch with my mom at Chapalas a local Mexican restaurant. I over indulged on chips and bean dip then had a ground beef taco salad. Then this evening Ben, Ava and I went out to celebrate me getting the job... we went to USwirl. I had angel food cake frozen yogurt with gummy bears, gummy worms and a few frosted animal crackers! It was delicious. I was sad when it was all gone and for a few moments debated about going back for seconds.

No workout for me today... I really need to get back in the habit of going for walks daily. I won't have time to workout tomorrow between work and dinner at Jo's. Wednesday I should be able to go for a walk after work with Ava. My parents might give us their treadmill which will help me a lot since I can't seem to get back to the gym and that way I can workout at home at night or in the morning.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 171 and 172... Can I have a do over?

The last 2 days I have not worked out, I have eaten crap and I'm feeling it now. I think the nerves of my interview tomorrow are getting to me. I'm so nervous... I can't wait until tomorrow morning is over.

Yesterday I ate a Jimmy John's Beach Club with Salt and Vinegar chips, a handful of Reece's pieces, a ground beef taco, chips and salsa bean dip, carrots and ranch dip, 2 pieces of ice cream cake and only 1 1/2 bottles of water. Today I've had a piece of ice cream cake, a Luna bar and 3 bottles of water. I'm kind of in the mood for pizza for dinner but I don't think we can afford it so I will probably have some turkey cheese roll ups, some carrots and an apple... at least my dinner will be healthy.

I'm going to try to convince Ben to go for a walk this evening but he is struggling to get the lawn mower started so we might not be able to go if it takes him awhile to get the lawn mowed.

I weighed myself today and was upset to see that I've gained 1.6 lbs since weigh-in. I guess I shouldn't be surprised with all the crap I've been eating lately. I'm no longer on track to reach my goal by August. :( I just hope that I can get down to 150 by August. I think that is now my new goal... I think it is much more attainable. I just hope that with every weigh-in I lose and don't gain anything.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 170... Nerves

So I have a job interview on Monday and my nerves are making me eat everything in sight! :( I'm not even hungry but I can't stop eating. I just hope that I get the job it would really help us out. I have to go buy new pants for the interview... when I bought pants in February they were size 12 so now they are way too big for me. :)

It was raining all day today so once again we were stuck inside except for running a few more errands. So the only heart pumping experience I had today was when I rear ended a lady in my car. :( That might be another reason why I was eating so much my nerves were rattled to start the day.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 169... Waffles and Fraggle Rock

Tonight I was craving waffles and Ben being the wonderful husband that he is made them for me! I did however over eat and made myself sick. I'm not use to eating so much anymore especially not that much sugar. Besides waffles I've had some saltine crackers (once again a midnight snack), a 1 1/2 slices of cheese, a Luna bar and 4 bottles of water.

The weather kept us indoors all day except for running a few errands. We spent the whole day watching Fraggle Rock... whenever it was over Ava would excitedly yell out "ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!" so we would watch more. I forgot how cute the show is and I'm glad that she likes a show that I use to like growing up. We almost went for a walk when the sun came out but I'm glad we didn't because even though it was sunny it started pouring rain... it did that twice. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy as well so I don't know if I will get a workout in.

I've gotten back into the habit of stepping onto that scale daily and it is only frustrating me especially when I gain. I need to go back to only weighing myself of Sundays.

I was right about all jeans being different. The size 8 jeans I'm wearing today were tighter and I was unable to pull them down without unbuttoning and unzipping them.

Make that 5 bottles of water! :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 168... No unbuttoning or unzipping necessary

Today has been another lazy day... no workout for me today. Tomorrow I'm going to take Ava for a walk if it kills me! I just hope it doesn't rain if it rains the we will be forced to stay inside all day!

I've been kind of hungry today but not really. I've had some saltine crackers, a piece of string cheese, some potato salad and 2 1/2 (Ava helped me eat my dinner) ham and swiss roll ups. Oh and 4 bottles of water. I've been having a real hard time lately not eating in the middle of the night. I wake up use the restroom then head to the kitchen for a midnight snack... I really need to cut it out. I'm not doing it because I'm hungry but because it is something I use to do before I started this journey and it is habit. That is one habit I need to break!

So I was wearing one of my new pair of size 8 jeans and I can pull them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them!!!! All jeans are different though so the next pair of size 8 jeans that I wear I will probably not be able to pull off but they will still fit me. To think that I use to wear a size 20 jean and am now in a size 8! That is insane to me. I'm not sure what size I will get down to... we will just have to wait and see. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 167... Weigh-in Day

I'm super excited about my weigh-in this morning!!!! I'm at...

161.0!!!!

That is down 7 lbs from the 15th! I'm 1 lb away from getting another reward don't know for sure what it will be but I'm thinking dessert of some kind... maybe ice cream. So far I've lost 64 lbs since the very start of this journey and 58.4 lbs in 167 days. I'm 6.7 lbs away from being within the "normal" BMI weight and 26 lbs away from my goal weight! I feel if I continue to do as good as I have been doing I should have no problem reaching my goal by August.

Once again today I haven't been very hungry. I've had 2 handfuls of mixed nuts, a generous helping of lasagna, some salad with a little light balsalmic dressing, some grapes, 2 1/2 chocolate chip cookies and 4 bottles of water. 

No workout for me today... in all honesty I slept until 2:30 this afternoon (I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed), then went to pick Ava up and then went to dinner at Jo's. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get a walk in or go to the gym.

I'm really pleased with how my journey has been going so far and am looking forward to continuing on the same path. 26 lbs seems like nothing compared to what I've already lost! 

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 166... Nice night for a walk!

So today it was rainy and gloomy during the day but the weather turned around this evening. It was a perfect night for a walk. Ben, Ava and I went for an hour long walk with a pit stop at the park to play on the slide and swing! It felt good to get a workout in again. Tomorrow I might try to hit the gym or go for a walk again.

I haven't been very hungry today. I've had a bite of mac and cheese that Ava didn't want, a bunch of Doritos (the bag is now in the trash... empty but in the trash none the less... no more temptation), I've also had a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread. Oh and 3 bottles of water.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm kind of looking forward to it. I can't wait to see if I've lost my 2 lbs for the week finally. I really want to reach my goal by August but if I can't do that I would like to reach 150 at least and I think that I will be able to accomplish that for sure. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 165... Absolutely nothing to report today!

Seriously nothing to report today! I've barely ate anything today except for the leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwich Ava didn't eat. Oh and 2 bottles of water. We slept until an ungodly hour this afternoon and have decided that today is a day of doing nothing... except some laundry.

I wasn't too thrilled with what I saw when I stepped on the scale today... I've gained with all the crap I've been eating the past couple of days. I fell short of losing 2 lbs this week by .4 lbs. I'm hoping I can make it up next week. I'm also hoping that weigh-in goes a little more smoothly and that I can lose some more weight in the next day or so!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 164... New jeans!

Today was spent outside working in the backyard. I didn't really do much because there wasn't much for me to do so I didn't get in a very good workout... I really didn't even get a little one in unless you can count standing around for a few hours as a workout. I'm hoping to get a walk in tomorrow.

I have also not been eating very healthy today. I've had 4 bottles of water, a ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, some potato salad, a bunch of Doritos and 6 cookies. I'm not worried about eating this way every once in awhile as long as I don't get in the habit of eating this way constantly again. Plus it could have been a lot worse.

A coworker of my mom's gave me 3 pair of size 8 jeans so now I have 4 pair of size 8 jeans and 2 pair of size 10 jeans. I'm not use to having that many pair of jeans at one time that fit me. Usually I only have 1 or 2 pairs of jeans... I'm not going to know what to do with so many options! :)

I'm actually looking forward to weigh-in on Tuesday. I think it is time to take a new progress picture so maybe I'll do that on Tuesday.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 163... Happy Birthday to me!

So today is my birthday... I'm 28! I must say today was a much better day then yesterday! I slept in which was nice. I then went to lunch with Ava and my mother-in-law Jo. We went to Smoky Mountain Pizza where I had a french dip sandwich with a house salad with ranch dressing. We then went shopping and Jo bought me a new top. After that Ava and I went home and lounged around the house until Ben got home. Ben took the night off from Akidio to spend the evening with me. He also surprised me with...

Yes that is Ava's hand reaching for the cake! She really wanted some. The cake was good but way too sweet... I couldn't finish my 1/4 of the cake. Besides the french dip and the cake I've had a large spoonful of peanut butter and 5 cookies. I know not healthy but hey it's my birthday and I'm already on track for losing the 2 lbs that I need to lose this week to reach my goal by August. I've also had 4 bottles of water.

No workout for me today... just couldn't pry myself off of the couch to go for a walk. I really need to get back to the gym. I think that now that I'm not working I will be able to get back into going to the gym daily or almost daily. On the days that I have Ava we will go for walks instead. As long as I get some form of exercise in I will be ok. Just need to work out scheduling with my dad and father-in-law for watching Ava so I can go to the gym but I think I have it worked out. I am so lucky to have them in my life and so is Ava!!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 162... Terrible!

Today has been a terrible day very emotional so I gave in to all of my cravings... Reese's Pieces, Thin Mints and other cookies. I've also had 3 bottles of water.

The weather was also terrible today so no walk for me.

I quit my job today after a major blow up with my boss. It was terrible and she had me in tears. I have never felt so unwanted in my whole life. I now don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that this change will be for the better and everything will work out... it always does.

Everything was terrible today but tomorrow will be better I just know it!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 160 and 161... I didn't give in today at least!!!

So yesterday I gave into a craving and had 2 sugar cookies... today I was good and didn't give into my craving for Dairy Queen even though it was very strong. I did however come home and have a peanut butter and homemade apricot jam sandwich on whole wheat bread for dinner. Other then the sandwich I've had a breakfast bar, 2 pieces of string cheese and 4 bottles of water.

The last 2 days have been bad on the exercise front... I haven't gotten in a single walk... I've either been too busy or the weather has turned for the worse or both. I hope to get back on track again soon. I really can't relay on just eating healthy to get the weight off.

Yesterday I got my 170 pedicure... my toes are now glitterfied!!!! I love them and they should last a while since they are gel polish! I don't know when I will go in for another pedicure... I think 160 will be too soon and 150 might be far away... it might have to be 155!!!

I've been so tired lately and I don't know why. I went to bed early last night and took an hour long nap this afternoon and I can barely keep my eyes open now. Looks like I will be going to bed early tonight as well. 

So I've been noticing something odd lately. When I eat something that I haven't had in awhile and that I used to love those things don't taste as good as before. Like Oreos or the Dirty Rice I had the other night... I don't know what is going on but I definitely don't eat as much as I would have normally. That's not a bad thing though... all things in moderation!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 159... Zataran's Dirty Rice with peas... Yummy!!!!

Today has been an ok day. I didn't go to work today because I had a bad night and was exhausted... I should have pushed through and gone anyways. I also had a Dr appointment today to talk to the Dr about my medication... turns out I need to get my thyroid tested because I have been losing a lot of hair lately. I thought it might be because of one of my meds so my Dr took me off of that medication but wants me to get my thyroid tested just to be sure there isn't a medical reason for the hair loss. We will just have to wait and see if going off the med helps or if there is a more serious cause. :( I'm kind of nervous.

So you know those size large pajama bottoms that I purchased because they were more comfortable then the medium ones? Well today I had to go and purchase the medium ones... the large ones were falling off of me after I wore them once! I guess I should of gone with my first instinct and just purchased the medium ones first.

I've had 2 pieces of string cheese today and since that isn't nearly enough food for the day Ben is making one of my favorite dishes for dinner... Zataran's Dirty Rice with peas... not very healthy but delicious and since I haven't ate very much today I guess I can splurge a little. I've also had 5 bottles of water so far today.

No workout for me today... I didn't feel like going to the gym today and since I got so badly sunburned on Saturday it hurts to be out in the sun so I skipped my walk. Tomorrow I have to go to work, have blood drawn, get my 170 pedicure and go to dinner at my mother-in-law's so I won't have time to get a workout in either unless I squeeze one in before dinner.

I added it up today and I've lost 55.2 lbs in 159 days... I'm 29.2 lbs away from my goal. :) There are 99 days until August 1st I think that I have a pretty good shot at reaching my goal by August! I just have to keep plugging away and not give into temptation too badly. I also need to understand that even if I don't reach my goal I should be proud of the weight that I've lost and will lose.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 158... Brunch and shopping

So today was a fantastic day. This morning I went to brunch with my mom as an early birthday present for me and had a wonderful time... it was nice to get to spend some time with her. We went to brunch at Murphy's. I didn't over do it at the buffet. I had orange juice, 1 biscuit with a little country gravy, scrambled eggs, watermelon, a small piece of salmon, a piece of zucchini bread and a very small thing of chocolate pudding. All of the food was fantastic and I'm thinking that I will be going back for the brunch again. Besides that I've had an apple, 2 pieces of string cheese and 4 bottles of water.

My mom also took me shopping today. I ended up spending most of the money on things for Ava but I did buy me a new pair of size 8 jeans. We first went to The Nordstrom Rack and I must say I wasn't impressed with the prices... it was way to expensive for an "outlet" store. I use to love The Rack because the prices were really good now not so much... I can only imagine how expensive things are now at Nordstorm. We then went to Ross... much more comfortable with the prices there. That is where I found my size 8 jeans... they are still a little tight which only goes to prove that no pair of jeans are alike... my size 8 capris I wore yesterday were baggy these jeans are tight. I also tried on some size 6 jeans and I was able to button them but they were definitely too tight to be worn daily. I'm also noticing a problem that could arise... I have large calves and the smaller the jeans the harder it is for me to get them over my calves... I guess I will just have to go with flare type jeans. :(

I weighed myself this morning to see if I'm on track to lose 2 lbs a week... guess what... I'm on track... I lost 2.2 lbs this week! Just have to keep it up now. I'm realistic though that I might not be able to keep this up and might plateau but if I can just keep losing even a little every week that will bring me closer to my goal.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 157... A day outside

I spent the whole day outside in the glorious sunshine doing yard work and playing at the park. It was fabulous... the sunburn that I got not so much. We got a lot done in the yard too which was nice... great start for next weekend when we work even harder. There is so much left to do in the yard but today is giving me hope that we will be able to get everything done. We have also decided that we are going to take some of the back yard and turn it into a sand box for Ava... with walls and a cover! It should be a lot of fun for Ava and maybe even Ben and I! :) I can't wait to get started on it but first to gut the backyard!

I didn't go for a walk today even though I wanted to but we ran out of time. I'm taking the yard work as my workout even though I don't feel like I did as much as I could have. I spent a lot of time wrangling Ava.

Today hasn't been a good day on the food front because of one item... a small Oreo shake from Jack in the Box... Ben decided to treat me to one. Other then that I've had 1 and 1/2 pieces of string cheese and a few (like 10) honey roasted peanuts. Oh and 3 bottles of water... I really should have reached my gallon by now since I was outside so much but I just got busy.

So I wore the size 8 capris and large top today. I must say the capris were kind of baggy on me I felt like I was constantly pulling them up... that's a good thing I guess. I didn't feel comfortable in the large top... my stomach is still too big for large tops. There is only 1 large top that I own that I feel comfortable wearing because it's not so tight in the stomach. I really need to work on getting my cardio in so I can cut down my waist.

Tomorrow I am going to brunch and shopping with my mom for my birthday! I'm so excited... I haven't got to spend a lot of time with my mom without Ben and Ava in a long time. We are going to Murphy's for their Sunday brunch buffet! I just need to not over do the buffet... which will be hard now that I looked at their menu... but still have fun.

Tomorrow I get to find out if I've lost the 2 lbs that I need to lose each week to reach my goal by August. We will just have to wait and see!

 Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 156... Chicago Connection

Today I had dinner at my in-law's house we had Chicago Connection pizza. I stuck with only 2 pieces... which was plenty. I just hope it doesn't through me off track and make me gain. I still need to lose 2 lbs a week to reach my goal by August. Besides pizza I've had a breakfast bar, a handful of honey roasted peanuts, some raisins and 5 bottles of water.

No workout for me today I got home too late for a walk. Tomorrow I will spend the day working in the yard so that will be my workout for the day unless I feel like going for a walk if I'm not too exhausted from being in the heat all day. It is supposed to be in the 80's tomorrow.

I bought some size 8 capris and a large tank top today to wear while working in the yard. I just hope I can get some sun tomorrow without getting burned. I burn so easily it's not even funny. I also hope the clothes look ok on me and aren't too tight. We will just have to see tomorrow.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 155... Honey Roasted Peanuts are evil!

Not much to report today. I didn't get a walk in today and I haven't been very hungry today.

So far today I've had a breakfast bar, 2 cups of raisins (I was craving trail mix but went healthy and just bought raisins... besides the only reason I wanted trail mix was for the chocolate and I definitely don't need that), 1 and 3/4 pieces of string cheese (Ava helped me eat), an apple, 1/2 of a mandarin orange... a Cutie to be precise (once again Ava helped) and 4 bottles of water. I think I'm done eating for the day... the only other thing that is sounding good are some honey roasted peanuts and I need to stop eating those. Last night I had 6 handfuls of peanuts... not a good thing.

Make that 5 bottles of water! :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 154... Size 8 jeans

So I decided to go to JcPenney's today to just look around. I found some size 8 jeans and thought I might as well try them on even though my size 10's are still a little tight when they come out of the dryer. I was pleasently surprise when the size 8 actually fit me!!! I didn't buy them though will have to wait until I go shopping with my mom on Sunday. I did however buy new pajama bottoms today... I stuck with the large size but these ones are tighter then the large ones I have now. The medium size ones weren't as comfortable as the large size and when I'm lounging around the house I want to be comfortable.

It rained all afternoon so I didn't get my walk in for the day. :(

So far today I've had a breakfast bar, a piece of string cheese, a handful of honey roasted peanuts and a gallon of water. This is the earliest I've finished my gallon of water in a long time... the only problem is now I'm freezing!

I was talking to my mom today and she said that when she was 135 she had a hard time maintaining and that she looked like a skeleton. Maybe 135 is too skinny for me as well... I can always try for it and see what happens... if I start getting too skinny I can always stop. We will just have to see how far I get before August!

On a different note!!! I'm excited to say that I reached my fundraising goal of $150 for Race for the Cure today!!! Now I would love to surpass that goal so if you would like to make a tax-deductible donation to a great cause and help me beat my goal click the link below!!! Half way down the page on the right hand side is a button that says Donate to Christy! click on that and make your donation! Anything helps! Ben, Ava and I will all be walking this year! http://idaho.info-komen.org/site/TR/Events?px=12496382&pg=personal&fr_id=2544&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising

Let the lbs melt!!! 

Day 153... Ouch!

So today I got some more work done on the tattoo on my back. It really hurt but it is worth it... it's going to look really good when it's done. I have 1 more sitting and it will be done. :) I can't wait!

I didn't make it to the gym today and until my tattoo heals I will have to settle for walks. Ava, Ben and I went for an hour long walk tonight. It was nice to get some fresh air.

So far today I've had a breakfast bar, a piece of string cheese and 5 bottles of water. I think for dinner I will have some smoked turkey, a piece of string cheese, carrots, an apple and a mandarian orange. Healthy and delicious.

I was talking to my brother today and he said reaching my goal by August is an obtainable goal. I just need to lose 2 lbs per week. It is going to be hard and if I don't reach my goal I won't be dissapointed.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 152... Well that was one wet walk!

I decided to skip the gym today and go for an hour long walk instead. It was a good idea at the start of my walk then it started to rain. Luckily it wasn't cold it was just wet. I still enjoyed the long walk though. Tomorrow I don't know if I will get a workout in or not because I'm getting the tattoo on my back finished finally after work. 

I've done ok with eating healthy today. I went to Costco today and was able to avoid having my normal swirl ice cream even though I was craving it so badly. Instead I had one of the Nutri-grain bars that I bought. I however couldn't resist my craving for a large blueberry muffin and got one from Winco... I did only buy one though instead of a 6 pack. Besides the muffin and bar I've had another breakfast bar, a small whole wheat banana pancake sans syrup (I was grazing at work again), a piece of string cheese and 4 bottles of water.

I was whooped at today during my walk and I must say I felt very uncomfortable when it happened and still feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was being made fun of. I hope it never happens again.

I feel like I'm doing pretty good again on this journey I just need to keep plugging away and moving forward.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 151... Weigh-in Day!!

I woke up this morning a little nervous to step on the scale afraid that yesterday had ruined my progress but when I stepped on the scale I was pleasantly surprised as to what I saw... I was actually down from yesterday! :) I was at...

168.0!!!

That means I get another pedicure!!! Which is a good thing because my feet desperately need it. Now I just need to save up for one. I also think I will reward myself with a new pair of pajama bottoms... my size large ones are falling off of me. :) So today I've been really tempted to try on my wedding dress... I think I'm thinner now then I was on my wedding day. I might just have to do that tonight. :)

I was doing good on eating healthy today until Ben suggested pizza for dinner! I've had a piece of string cheese, some wheat thins, a small salad with ranch dressing and a personal size chicken, cashew and broccoli pizza to eat today. I've also had 5 bottles of water... 1 more to go... should be easy to do.

I went for a quick 15 minute walk to the store with Ben and Ava tonight... not a big workout but it was something. Tomorrow I'll hit the gym. Tuesday I'm not sure if I'll have time to go to the gym... I'm finally getting the tattoo on my back finished after work. I'm super excited to have it finished.

I'm getting closer to my goal which is very motivating. I'm only 33 lbs away from my goal weight. In order to get it off before we start trying for baby number 2 I would have to lose .31 lbs per day... that might be possible. I can always try. I just need to get back to going to the gym at least 5 days a week and knock off the unhealthy foods. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!