No more counting days...

just focusing on reaching my goal as soon as I can comfortably!

So the 365 days have come and gone and even though I really don't like it I'm becoming more and more ok with it. The last time that I reported my weight I was at 168.2 today when I weighed myself I was at 186.4 (granted this was in pajamas and I had already ate and drank some stuff but it can't really be that far off) that is a gain of 18.2 lbs in 104 days. I'm also back in size 12 jeans if you remember when I was on track Iwas down to a size 8 with me squeezing into a size 6. That's not a good thing!!!! I have 51.4 lbs to go to reach my goal of 135. I know that if I put my mind to it I can accomplish it I just don't know if I really want to get all the way down to 135 anymore. I'm almost thinking that 145-150 would be ok with me and then just focus on toning. I really don't want to lose my curves I just want them to be firm and slightly smaller. No matter what my goal weight ends up being I just need to get more of this weight off.

Today I have had what I'm calling my last hoorah... I've had candy, pizza and diet coke. Tomorrow I start on water, veggies, fruits and nut with the occasional chicken, brown rice and tuna fish. I also hope to make it to the gym for cardio at least 5 days a week starting tomorrow. Once I get back into the swing of things I will add strength training.

I know that it is cliche to start up again on New Year's Day but I've finally reached the point that I need to regain focus and start again and I don't think that the day has anything to do with it... it was just time. I haven't taken any progress pictures recently and I'm thinking I need to redo that but here is a picture of me all dolled up for this year's Bodybuilding.com Christmas Party. At the 2011 party I was at 200 lbs this year I was at 176 lbs... not much lower but I did feel more comfortable which was surprising since we found out the week before the party that the theme was Black and White and I had already bought my RED dress. There were are few spots of red in the room but I was basically it!!!!

So here is to a great 2013 hopefully filled with shattering of goals and feeling more confident in my own skin!!!! Let's do this!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 281 - 286... New path

The previous 5 days have been filled with nothing but junk food and laziness. Well mostly laziness we did spend 4 hours walking around the fair with Ava and the rest of the family on Saturday. I held off on working out this week to kind of step back to see if I really wanted to continue on this journey. I've decided that I do.  I just need to figure out the path I want to take for the rest of my journey.

Today was a good day food wise which is the first step of the path I'm going to take. I'm doing a modified cleanse. During the day I will eat fruits and veggies for dinner I will have brown rice with veggies. I will be doing that today thru Thursday afternoon... the only deviations will be tomorrow night at my in-laws and Wednesday at lunch.

I'm not sure if this week I will workout or not it is a bad week with my dad being out of town so I have no one to watch Ava. I'm thinking this week I will just focus on the food part of this path.

We will be spending Thursday evening til Monday evening in Cascade this week so I know that I will be faced with challenges at the cabin I will just have to try to stay out of the unhealthy food as much as possible and make healthy choices when I can.

Let the lbs melt once again!!!

Day 280... 85 days left and I've pretty much given up.

I've missed 3 workouts in a row... the one yesterday and the 2 from today. I've eaten nothing but junk food and I feel completely defeated. This is really starting to suck and I don't know what to do anymore. I really need to find my motivation again and push through to the end and not just to the end of the 85 days but all the way to 135 lbs.

No lbs melting anymore!!!

Day 279... 168.2 lbs :(

I just want go give up! I ate terribly today, didn't go to the gym, Ava pushed me to my limit, got some bad news and watched Ava fall off the tall balance beam at gymnastics. I had an all around shitty day and I'm ready to just give up on this journey. I'm up to 168.2 lbs and feel like I'm never going to get anywhere anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all focus and determination.

I'm not sure if I can let the lbs melt anymore!!!

Day 275 - 278... With Cascade comes candy!

So this weekend Ben and I decided we needed to get out of town for a bit so we loaded up Ava in the car and headed to the cabin! Before we headed to the cabin we went grocery shopping... this is always an unhealthy trip to the store. We loaded up on chips, chocolate covered almonds, whoppers, Twizzlers, double stuffed Oreos, gummy bears, Mike's Black Cherry Hard Lemonade, hot dogs and stuff for sausage sandwiches. We also picked stuff up for dinner that Thursday night... it consisted of clam strips, tarter sauce and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. :( Needless to say the last 4 days have been filled with eating nothing but crap! The only healthy things that I've had to eat is the tomato on my hamburger, a handful of grapes, water and that's about it. Tomorrow it is back to eating healthy.

One thing that I did keep up with was working out! Thursday I got up and did lower body finished in 40 minutes again sticking with 12 reps at the same weight. That was followed by 65 minutes on the treadmill I was able to push myself to 4.35 miles. Friday was a rest day so no workout. Saturday we were up at the cabin but that didn't stop me from getting my workout in. We just set up a gym at the cabin! :)

I got in my upper body workout in 30 minutes (I didn't do a warm up so it went faster) I stuck with 12 reps at the same weight. The only difference was that I did bent over rows with the band instead of the barbell since we couldn't bring it with us. Later that afternoon Ben, Ava and I went for an hour long walk... pretty slow walk but there were hills to be climbed so that added a little bit to it. Today we came home and the whole trip home I was debating about going to the gym or not if there was time once we got home. I just kept telling myself it wouldn't make a difference if I did or not. However, once I got home I decided to hit the gym anyways. I ended up taking it a bit slow today but I was still able to get in over 4 miles. Overall I feel like this weekend went good for exercise even though I pushed the limits on what I ate.

I am dreading getting on the scale tomorrow because I feel like I'm going to be over 170. :(

The worse part is that this weekend is Ava's birthday. We are taking her to the fair on Saturday and her birthday party is Sunday... unhealthy food is in sight. Then the next weekend we will be hopefully spending 4 days 5 nights at the cabin... more unhealthy food. I'm going to try to not overdo it like I did this weekend but it is so hard. I know I need to start pushing myself harder if I ever want to pass 160 and not in the direction that I've been going.

I need to rededicate myself to this and fast!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 274... Will I ever break 160?!?

Today has been a challenging day. First Ben suggested Carl's Jr. for our family lunch then I only had a short amount of time to workout. I think that I handled things ok but definitely not as good as I could have.

At Carl's Jr. I tried to eat healthy with a grilled chicken salad no dressing and a large water. I was doing good until I indulged in 1 fry... I couldn't stop after that. :( Other then that I've done good except for the few pieces of hot dog that I stole from Ava because she wouldn't eat them! I'm low on my water intake for the day sitting at about 2.5 liters a far cry from the 8 liters that I had yesterday. One thing I've noticed that I find myself after I write on here making bad choices... it's almost like I must quickly write here so that I can go make bad choices and not have to report it to everyone. I'm trying real hard to stop that behavior but it is really hard.

I dropped Ava off with Papa so that I could go to the gym today. However, first I had to go shopping for Ava's birthday present. Once that was done I was only left with enough time to do 45 minutes on the treadmill. Could I have done more? Yes. I however didn't want burden Papa with leaving Ava with him for longer then 2.5 hours. I had told him that it would only be 1.5 if I had him watch her on days I need to go to the gym. Tomorrow I should be able to get the 65 minutes in. Lower body and cardio is on the menu for tomorrow.

I've decided that I really need to stop posting how much I've lost and how much I have to go because whenever I do I end up gaining! I'm getting so frustrated with this yo-yoing that is happening. I just want to break 160 already so I can move onto my next goal! I'm starting to think that it isn't going to happen. The frustration is starting to feel like defeat and it's taking it's toll on my motivation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrated.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 273... 40 minutes instead of an hour!

So I begrudgingly got up this morning and did my upper body workout. Pretty good workout still only doing 12 reps with the same weight I started with but all in all it still has me sweating. After the workout and I looked at the clock all I could think was I must not have been that tired since I shaved off 20 minutes from my normal time. :) That made me feel pretty good. This afternoon I hit the gym for cardio and was all set to beat my time but that just didn't happen. To start out my foot felt like it was being crushed... I think I tied my shoe too tight. Then when I got up to 4.3 speed my shins felt like they were going to explode... I ended up  having to take it back down to 3.8 in order for the pain to stop. I eventually was able to get back up to 4.2 but still it was too late to make up the miles. I ended at 4.28 miles. Tomorrow is cardio.

Did ok eating healthy today. I had my normal half of a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter before my workout this morning. Then I had a hard boiled egg, a handful of almonds and some cheddar cheese for lunch. For dinner we had chicken apple sausages with green beans and potatoes. I went heavy on the veggies and stuck with just 2 sausages... should of probably only had 1 though. Other then that I've had some pickles. I've also upped my water immensely I'm up to 7 liters of water for the day and just started my 8th liter.

I went and picked up a pair of size 6 jeans today and I'm not sure if I'm ready to wear them or not. I kind of feel like a stuffed sausage in them. :(

Ben and I have decided that we want to get out of town this weekend so we are going to head up to the cabin on Friday. Since Saturday is upper body again we are going to take up the dumbbells and band so that I can do my workout up there. I might not be at home but that doesn't mean I have to put off my workout!

Let the lbs melt!!!