Day 190 - 196... Issues

So it has been 7 days since I posted last and not much has happened in those 7 days. I spent a relaxing 3 day weekend up in Cascade where I learned that I need to stop comparing myself to people. That is going to be hard thing to learn not to do. I'm having a hard time still... my main thought lately is that I'm not a good mom and that everyone is a better mom then I am. I know that I must be doing something right because Ava lights up every time I pick her up from Papa or Grandpa's house but still... I just wish that I could be half the parent that Ben is to Ava and that my sister-in-law's are to their kids. I'm really hoping that getting my depression under control will help me be a better mom. My new doctor wants me to be stable before we start trying for a second child... I think that it is a smart idea. I'm still hoping to start trying in August but if I'm not ready by then we will just have to wait. I just hope it doesn't take too long to get me stable... I'm really tired of feeling the way that I do.

So these past 7 days I've been eating anything and everything I could get my hands on... and the scale shows it. I guarantee that I've gained for this next weigh-in. As of yesterday morning I was sitting at 166. That is a gain of 5 lbs. I'm hoping to level out because I need to be able to eat. Yes I haven't been making the best choices but still I need to be able to eat. I'm really worried now that I'm eating again I will gain everything back. So far today I've had a roasted chicken salad no dressing from Pollo Rey, 3 handfuls of trail mix, a big bowl of Kix cereal, a personal ham and olive pizza from Chicago Connection and 5 bottles of water. I know not the healthiest of choices but this is what I've been eating lately... yesterday I went to the store for diapers, milk and yogurt and left with all that and donuts. :( Never go shopping hungry! I really need to buy salad, veggies and fruits. The trail mix isn't that bad for me so I guess I could continue to snack on that but the rest needs to go.

For the first time in a long time I went for a walk tonight. Ava, Ben and I went for an hour long walk to the park. It felt good to get some exercise in... the fresh air was nice as well. It's a start. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 189... New goal

So I went to my new doctor today and I really think that he will be able to help me. Right now I need to change my focus... I think my new goal is to stay under 165. Until I can get my depression under control I'm going to focus on maintaining. Until I can get stable I need to focus on getting healthy. I will still post but it won't be very exciting stuff. My weigh-ins will probably be disappointing with me gaining but that is ok if I stay under 165... 170 max. The doctor said that he wants me to be stable before I get pregnant so any positive thinking you could send my way that I get stable quickly would be greatly appreciated.

Today I went to lunch with Ava, Ben and Jo and some of Jo's co-workers. We went to Panda Express... I had fried rice, orange chicken, string bean chicken and a fortune cookie. My fortune was "you will reach your goal as long as you stay on course" pretty good fortune if I do say so myself. I think that I'm on track to reach my new goal of maintaining. Besides Panda I've had a piece of string cheese, some Swedish fish and 3 bottles of water. I'm on track to reach my gallon for the day. Last night I easily reached my gallon mark.

I really hope next week I will be feeling up to going for walks again.

This will be my last post until either Sunday or Monday as I will once again be going up to Cascade for the weekend. Everyone have a safe Memorial Day weekend!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 187 and 188... Swedish Fish

I sent Ben to pick up something for dessert yesterday he came home with a giant bag of Swedish Fish which is now almost gone. I had 4 of 5 handfuls of them yesterday and 2 handfuls today. I can't wait until they are gone no more temptation. Besides Swedish Fish I've had 2 pieces of string cheese and 3 handfuls of peanuts. Oh and 2 bottles of water. I haven't been doing very good on getting my gallon in lately. I really need to focus on getting it in... I need to succeed at something on this journey and that should be easy enough to do.

I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm not being very inspirational and not sticking to anything anymore. I don't even know why I'm still writing in this blog. :( It seems that I have just given up... now I'm focused on maintaining my weight. I don't workout anymore... I eat crap... I'm back where I started. I need to find my motivation again. I'm really hoping when I go to this new doctor on Wednesday he can put me on some meds that help me not be so tired all the time... maybe help me feel like doing something again. We will just have to see.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 184, 185 and 186... We aren't even going to talk about my diet this weekend!

Nope not even going to go there! Just know that I had an amazing weekend with the family up in Cascade and I'm really looking forward to doing it again next weekend! Oh and I probably gained a few lbs back! :)

I'm hoping to go for a walk tomorrow with Ava... we will see if it happens or not!

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 183... Kix and Twin Dragon

Today I didn't do to good on eating healthy. I've had 2 giant bowls of Kix cereal, a cookie, 2 handfuls of Reeces Pieces, some Nila Wafers, some cheez-its and only 3 bottles of water. For dinner my father-in-law and I went to Twin Dragon. I had 4 pieces of crab ragoon and 3 servings of special fried rice. I really overdid it today... I'm done eating for the night.

I'm making a promise to myself that next week I will workout... I need to knock this laziness off... I'm going to get nowhere fast if I don't start working out again. Plus I'm paying for a gym membership I probably should be using it.

I won't be posting for a few days as I will be out of town and I'm no longer able to post from my phone. I will post again on Sunday or Monday.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 181 and 182... Weigh-in day

So yesterday was weigh-in day and I must say I wasn't looking forward to it. I was really worried that I had gained. I stepped on the scale and was surprised to see that I hadn't gained or lost anything. I'm still at...

161.0!!!

I am just happy that I'm able to maintain my weight. :)

Yesterday I did ok on eating healthy but today is a different story. We went to Carl's Jr for lunch and I had a cheeseburger with fries... surprisingly I didn't get sick like I thought I would. Besides that I've had 2 pieces of string cheese, 2 pieces of toast and 4 bottles of water. For dinner neither Ben or I felt like cooking so we are doing Little Ceasers Pizza. 

No workout the past 2 days... I just haven't felt like working out lately. I have no motivation to workout anymore. :( 

I'm feeling defeated lately. The only good thing that is happening is that I'm able to maintain my weight. 

Let the lbs melt!!! 

Day 180...

So today was my first official day as a stay at home mom and I must say it was easier then I expected. The only thing that we ran into was the fact that Ava had no clean cool clothes and it was supposed to be hot today so she stayed in her pajamas all day and we stayed inside. I have been doing laundry all day so tomorrow she can go outside!

Because of that little snafu I didn't get a walk in today. I'm hoping to get a workout in tomorrow... we will see.

Today I've done better about eating more. I've had a breakfast bar, 2 pieces of string cheese, some carrots and ranch dressing, some wheat thins, 4 small cookies and 5 bottles of water. For dinner we are having pot pies with cookies for dessert. I know I should do without the cookies but they are so good!

So Ben has a interview tomorrow for a part time job so any positive energy you could send his way would be greatly appreciated. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 179... Happy Mother's Day!

Today has been a fantastic day. I got to sleep in then was woken up to breakfast of eggs and waffles in bed! We then went and saw The Avengers... fantastic movie I highly recommend it. I snacked on sour patch kids and water. After the movie we went to USwirl where once again I had angel food cake frozen yogurt with gummy bears, gummy worms and a few frosted animal crackers. I think I over did the sugar today though because I was feeling really sick after frozen yogurt. Then it was home to watch The Avengers cartoon series and eat more waffles. Happy Mother's Day to me and to all the mothers and moms-to-be out there!

Tomorrow I start my new career... stay at home mom! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm thinking I will take Ava for a walk tomorrow. Ava will still go to Papa's house on Tuesdays and Grandpa's house on Thursdays so I'm hoping to get to the gym on those days.

I weighed myself this morning and once again I'm down... still weigh more then the last weigh-in but I'm down from where I was last week. I'm not sure how this week's weigh-in will go I might have gained but I'm not concerned if I did my main concern is staying under... oh let's say 165... 170 at the max.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 176, 177 and 178... Race for the Cure and Realizations

I needed a little break from posting for a few days and besides there wasn't much to report. Oh except I quit yet another job and I ate a lot of pizza. I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I'm having a really hard time dealing with my depression and quite frankly it sucks! I'm seeking help and hope that my depression will subside some if not completely. It is going to be a lot of work but I need to do it for myself and for my family.

Today we got up extremely early and went and walked the Race for the Cure 5k walk. The race took us a little less then an hour. Total we walked for over an hour and a half. It was nice to get out in the sunshine and get some exercise in.

Food wise today I haven't been doing very good. I've had a breakfast bar, half of a small plate of nachos, a large swirl cone from Dairy Queen and only 3 bottles of water.

I've come to the realization that I've been losing so much weight so fast because I haven't been eating really at all. Occasionally I would have a heavy dish that I would feel guilty about then I wouldn't eat very much the next day. So I've decided that from now on I will eat more and if I don't lose weight then that is ok I need to worry about being healthy and getting in the nutrients that I need. I just need to work on making healthy choices again. This will also be a good way for me to tell if I can maintain my weight or not... as long as I don't go over 170 I will be happy.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 174 and 175... Not very inspiring lately... Sorry!

I'm not doing too good with any aspect of the journey lately. I haven't worked out regularly in a long time... I'm eating a lot of sweets and unhealthy choices. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm at the end of my journey and I just need to work on maintaining where I'm at. I'm getting burned out. I can't give up though I must keep pushing forward. I just wish I wasn't gaining again.

Yesterday the only good thing that I consumed was the 7 bottles of water that I drank and the Luna bar. Other then that I had 2 big bowls of spaghetti, some watermelon (I guess that is healthy) and a big serving of lemon cake with whipped topping. Today I've had an apple and 3 bottles of water... not bad right pretty healthy... well for dinner we are having Tacitos with sour cream and double stuffed Elfudge cookies... see what I mean unhealthy choices.

I didn't have time to go for a walk yesterday and today I was too exhausted to even see straight so no walk for me. I think that until I get use to this new job and getting up early for it I will have a hard time going on walks. The Race for the Cure is this Saturday so that will be a good workout just wish I had a race everyday to get up and do maybe I would be more inclined to walk.

I know I haven't been very inspiring lately and I apologize for that... I haven't felt very inspired lately.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 173... Chapalas and USwirl

So I had my interview this morning... I got the job!!! :) I start tomorrow morning. Now I'm nervous about starting a new job. I just hope this one works out better then the last one! I believe it will... I got a good feeling when I was there.

After my interview I went to lunch with my mom at Chapalas a local Mexican restaurant. I over indulged on chips and bean dip then had a ground beef taco salad. Then this evening Ben, Ava and I went out to celebrate me getting the job... we went to USwirl. I had angel food cake frozen yogurt with gummy bears, gummy worms and a few frosted animal crackers! It was delicious. I was sad when it was all gone and for a few moments debated about going back for seconds.

No workout for me today... I really need to get back in the habit of going for walks daily. I won't have time to workout tomorrow between work and dinner at Jo's. Wednesday I should be able to go for a walk after work with Ava. My parents might give us their treadmill which will help me a lot since I can't seem to get back to the gym and that way I can workout at home at night or in the morning.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 171 and 172... Can I have a do over?

The last 2 days I have not worked out, I have eaten crap and I'm feeling it now. I think the nerves of my interview tomorrow are getting to me. I'm so nervous... I can't wait until tomorrow morning is over.

Yesterday I ate a Jimmy John's Beach Club with Salt and Vinegar chips, a handful of Reece's pieces, a ground beef taco, chips and salsa bean dip, carrots and ranch dip, 2 pieces of ice cream cake and only 1 1/2 bottles of water. Today I've had a piece of ice cream cake, a Luna bar and 3 bottles of water. I'm kind of in the mood for pizza for dinner but I don't think we can afford it so I will probably have some turkey cheese roll ups, some carrots and an apple... at least my dinner will be healthy.

I'm going to try to convince Ben to go for a walk this evening but he is struggling to get the lawn mower started so we might not be able to go if it takes him awhile to get the lawn mowed.

I weighed myself today and was upset to see that I've gained 1.6 lbs since weigh-in. I guess I shouldn't be surprised with all the crap I've been eating lately. I'm no longer on track to reach my goal by August. :( I just hope that I can get down to 150 by August. I think that is now my new goal... I think it is much more attainable. I just hope that with every weigh-in I lose and don't gain anything.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 170... Nerves

So I have a job interview on Monday and my nerves are making me eat everything in sight! :( I'm not even hungry but I can't stop eating. I just hope that I get the job it would really help us out. I have to go buy new pants for the interview... when I bought pants in February they were size 12 so now they are way too big for me. :)

It was raining all day today so once again we were stuck inside except for running a few more errands. So the only heart pumping experience I had today was when I rear ended a lady in my car. :( That might be another reason why I was eating so much my nerves were rattled to start the day.

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 169... Waffles and Fraggle Rock

Tonight I was craving waffles and Ben being the wonderful husband that he is made them for me! I did however over eat and made myself sick. I'm not use to eating so much anymore especially not that much sugar. Besides waffles I've had some saltine crackers (once again a midnight snack), a 1 1/2 slices of cheese, a Luna bar and 4 bottles of water.

The weather kept us indoors all day except for running a few errands. We spent the whole day watching Fraggle Rock... whenever it was over Ava would excitedly yell out "ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!" so we would watch more. I forgot how cute the show is and I'm glad that she likes a show that I use to like growing up. We almost went for a walk when the sun came out but I'm glad we didn't because even though it was sunny it started pouring rain... it did that twice. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy as well so I don't know if I will get a workout in.

I've gotten back into the habit of stepping onto that scale daily and it is only frustrating me especially when I gain. I need to go back to only weighing myself of Sundays.

I was right about all jeans being different. The size 8 jeans I'm wearing today were tighter and I was unable to pull them down without unbuttoning and unzipping them.

Make that 5 bottles of water! :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 168... No unbuttoning or unzipping necessary

Today has been another lazy day... no workout for me today. Tomorrow I'm going to take Ava for a walk if it kills me! I just hope it doesn't rain if it rains the we will be forced to stay inside all day!

I've been kind of hungry today but not really. I've had some saltine crackers, a piece of string cheese, some potato salad and 2 1/2 (Ava helped me eat my dinner) ham and swiss roll ups. Oh and 4 bottles of water. I've been having a real hard time lately not eating in the middle of the night. I wake up use the restroom then head to the kitchen for a midnight snack... I really need to cut it out. I'm not doing it because I'm hungry but because it is something I use to do before I started this journey and it is habit. That is one habit I need to break!

So I was wearing one of my new pair of size 8 jeans and I can pull them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them!!!! All jeans are different though so the next pair of size 8 jeans that I wear I will probably not be able to pull off but they will still fit me. To think that I use to wear a size 20 jean and am now in a size 8! That is insane to me. I'm not sure what size I will get down to... we will just have to wait and see. :)

Let the lbs melt!!!

Day 167... Weigh-in Day

I'm super excited about my weigh-in this morning!!!! I'm at...

161.0!!!!

That is down 7 lbs from the 15th! I'm 1 lb away from getting another reward don't know for sure what it will be but I'm thinking dessert of some kind... maybe ice cream. So far I've lost 64 lbs since the very start of this journey and 58.4 lbs in 167 days. I'm 6.7 lbs away from being within the "normal" BMI weight and 26 lbs away from my goal weight! I feel if I continue to do as good as I have been doing I should have no problem reaching my goal by August.

Once again today I haven't been very hungry. I've had 2 handfuls of mixed nuts, a generous helping of lasagna, some salad with a little light balsalmic dressing, some grapes, 2 1/2 chocolate chip cookies and 4 bottles of water. 

No workout for me today... in all honesty I slept until 2:30 this afternoon (I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed), then went to pick Ava up and then went to dinner at Jo's. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get a walk in or go to the gym.

I'm really pleased with how my journey has been going so far and am looking forward to continuing on the same path. 26 lbs seems like nothing compared to what I've already lost! 

Let the lbs melt!!!