Day 190 - 196... Issues

So it has been 7 days since I posted last and not much has happened in those 7 days. I spent a relaxing 3 day weekend up in Cascade where I learned that I need to stop comparing myself to people. That is going to be hard thing to learn not to do. I'm having a hard time still... my main thought lately is that I'm not a good mom and that everyone is a better mom then I am. I know that I must be doing something right because Ava lights up every time I pick her up from Papa or Grandpa's house but still... I just wish that I could be half the parent that Ben is to Ava and that my sister-in-law's are to their kids. I'm really hoping that getting my depression under control will help me be a better mom. My new doctor wants me to be stable before we start trying for a second child... I think that it is a smart idea. I'm still hoping to start trying in August but if I'm not ready by then we will just have to wait. I just hope it doesn't take too long to get me stable... I'm really tired of feeling the way that I do.

So these past 7 days I've been eating anything and everything I could get my hands on... and the scale shows it. I guarantee that I've gained for this next weigh-in. As of yesterday morning I was sitting at 166. That is a gain of 5 lbs. I'm hoping to level out because I need to be able to eat. Yes I haven't been making the best choices but still I need to be able to eat. I'm really worried now that I'm eating again I will gain everything back. So far today I've had a roasted chicken salad no dressing from Pollo Rey, 3 handfuls of trail mix, a big bowl of Kix cereal, a personal ham and olive pizza from Chicago Connection and 5 bottles of water. I know not the healthiest of choices but this is what I've been eating lately... yesterday I went to the store for diapers, milk and yogurt and left with all that and donuts. :( Never go shopping hungry! I really need to buy salad, veggies and fruits. The trail mix isn't that bad for me so I guess I could continue to snack on that but the rest needs to go.

For the first time in a long time I went for a walk tonight. Ava, Ben and I went for an hour long walk to the park. It felt good to get some exercise in... the fresh air was nice as well. It's a start. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Let the lbs melt!!!